SR- 71/ Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:   I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occured one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high.   We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace.   Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope.   I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed.   "90 knots" Center replied.   Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same.   "120 knots," Center answered.   We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout."   There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission comingfrom my backseater.   It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison.   "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"   There was a longer than normal pause... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots."   No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft).   The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?

The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to come down to it..."

He was cleared...

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked."   Air Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down.   "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked, "one of those dreaded seven-engine approaches!"

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.   While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked "What was your last known position?"

The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff".

Taxiing down the tarmac, the DC10 abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.   After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.   A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What, exactly, was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine...." explained the flight attendant.   "It took us a while to find a new pilot."

"TWA 2341, for noise abatement, turn right 45 Degrees."

"Center, we are at 35,000 feet.   How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

Comprehending Engineers

To the optimist the glass is half full, to the pessimist the glass is half empty, to the engineer the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?   Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.   The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?   We must have been waiting fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The Pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens-keeper.   Let's have a word with him."

"Hi, George.   Say, what's with that group ahead of us?   They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes, thats a group of blind firefighters.   They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.   The pastor said, "That's so sad.   I think I'll say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea.   I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.   After serving his company for over thirty years, he retired.   Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines.   They had tried everything and everyone elso to get the machine to work, but to no avail.   In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solve so many of their problems in the past.   The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine.   At the end of the day he maked a small "X" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine work perfectly again.   The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.   They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark ---------------------------------- $1.00
Knowing where to put chalk mark ----- $49,999.00

The bill was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.   The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.   The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress because of the mystery and passion he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?", he was queried.

The engineer replied, "Yeah.   If you have a wife and a mistress, they will both each assume you are spending time with the other woman and you can go to the office and get some work done."